Love and alchemy.

Monday, April 25, 2011
“…It was the pure language of the World. It required no explanation, just as the universe need none as it travels through endless time. What the boy felt at that moment was that he was in the presence of the only women in his life, and that, with no need for words, she recognized the same thing. He was more certain of it than anything in the world …And when two such people encounter each other, and their eyes meet, the past and the future become unimportant. There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only. It is the hand that evokes love, and creates a twin soul for every person in the world. Without such love, one’s dreams would have on meaning. Maktub, thought the boy.” Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Happy 4 months <3
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It will be a love worth loving.

Sunday, April 24, 2011


"So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you."
— Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist)
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A beauty of the world

Wednesday, April 20, 2011
There are many beautiful things in this world. Each day we are blessed with the natural wonders of the earth: the stars, the clouds, the nature which surrounds us and makes our earth so glorious. These are the beauties we can see and love daily, but how often do we think about the other beauty in our lives. It is approximated that worldwide, 10.8 million people get diagnosed with cancer a year. Of that 10.8 million, it is estimated that 6.8 die from it. I don't know about you but to me that screams that 4 million a year are cured. Well this past month I had the honor up close to witness their strength first hand.
It was my first time participating in Relay for Life, but let me tell you it will not be my last. I've always had a desire to help anyone and every thing with every step I could, I totally want to save the world.(And I think with a little push, a little love and some undying hope, I can.) But never before have I really seen as much inspiration as in this group of people, because you see, this group of people were survivors. Just a simple act of walking around a track brought tears to my eyes. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
These people had fought hard, possibly against the hardest means, and there they stood in front of me, proud to be alive. We are rarely blessed to see such a thirst and thankfulness for life in this world.
It was just glorious to see a group of people who fought so hard, standing up showing they didn't give up and they will not give up. If that is not inspirational, I do not know what is.
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I think you're just so pleasant.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011
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1 MIN READING: Each to his/her own destiny...

Monday, April 18, 2011
The following was featured on Paulo Coelho's blog.

"A Samurai who was known for his nobility and honesty, went to visit a Zen monk to ask advice.

– Why do I feel so inferior? – he asked, as soon as the monk finished his prayers. – I have faced death many times, have defended those who are weak, Nevertheless, upon seeing you meditating, I felt that my life had absolutely no importance whatsoever.

– Wait. Once I have attended to all those who come to see me today, I shall answer you.

The samurai spent the whole day sitting in the temple gardens, watching the people go in and out in search of advice. He saw how the monk received them all with the same patience and the same illuminated smile on his face.

At nightfall, when everyone had gone, he demanded:
– Now can you teach me?

The master invited him in and lead him to his room. The full moon shone in the sky, and the atmosphere was one of profound tranquility.

– Do you see the moon, how beautiful it is? It will cross the entire firmament, and tomorrow the sun will shine once again.
“But sunlight is much brighter, and can show the details of the landscape around us: trees, mountains, clouds.
“I have contemplated the two for years, and have never heard the moon say: why do I not shine like the sun? Is it because I am inferior?

– Of course not – answered the samurai. – The moon and the sun are different things, each has its own beauty. You cannot compare the two.

– So you know the answer. We are two different people, each fighting in his own way for that which he believes, and making it possible to make the world a better place; the rest are mere appearances."



I always find it magical has Paulo Coelho always seems to know what is going on in my mind. <3
To me, it's like he is constantly listening to my thoughts and every time I start to sway from being my own warrior of light, he posts something to make me realize how silly I am behaving. Thanks again, Paulo Coelho.
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Say 7 random things about yourself.

Friday, April 15, 2011
I've done a few of these things before, so I will try to keep my facts as fresh as possible for those friends of mine on facebook subjected to read through dozens of notes about me. :)

1. I think every food is made more fun when eating it with chopsticks. Especially these.... click me! WANT SO BADLY!

2. My favorite position to chill out in is on my back with my legs up against my body not touching the surface I am on. I then like to move them around by kicking or bouncing.

3. I love everything and anything tie-dye. Its actually one of my favorite summertime activities to do <3

4. I like to swoosh my hair, a lot. Think pearl in Finding Nemo with her tentacles.

5. I want to make the world as bright as I possibly can! :D

6. My favorite time of day is just before the sun rises. The darkness is beautiful, it is. But there is a feeling of danger that comes along with that beauty. Just before the sun rises, there is this overwhelming feeling of true content. The sky is a beautiful color, blending the night sky and the light of the sun. It is like staring at nature's own watercolor painting.

7. I enjoy complete and utter silence. I think it is important to be alone to yourself with just your thoughts, maybe a book. Silence in itself is a beautiful sound. For even the absence of sound is its own distinct sound.

And there you go, 7 random facts about moi. :)
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Do you remember being 6 years old? What did you enjoy most about being a kid?

Thursday, April 14, 2011
The first thing I think of when I look back onto my childhood is laying in the grass. I spent a lot of my time as a child outside, as I'm sure we all did. It is one of the most beautiful things about being a kid. Things were so simple then. Its not that times grow more difficult as we age, it is just that we cant escape from them as easily. All you needed when you were a child was your imagination, but now if I were to go running around through my back yard, pretending to be a detective or fairy, I would get a one way trip to an insane asylum. That's what is beautiful about youth, and why we will always yearn to relive it. But we can't. It is one of those moments we have to cherish. It is like that Dr. Seuss quote, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." I will always love my childhood and will always have the fond memories of the freedom of it all.

And because of this, I will always retain that beautiful childhood essence.
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Pick 5 things closest to you. What are they, and do they hold any significance in your life?

Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Well considering I wrote about things close to me in my 3 lucky charms post, I'm going to take this question in the literal sense :)

Right now, I am currently sitting on my bed with my back against the wall and the windowsill at eye level. The Black Swan menu is playing repetitively on my ps3 because I am about to watch it.

Looking around the first thing I spot is my new copy of Princess Mononoke sitting on my bed. I just got it from Amazon today and finished watching it with Shelby a little earlier. If you have never seen this movie, the male lead is named Ashitaka and The Princess, San, is raised by wolves.So Shelby and I decided that I was Ashitaka, because my name is Ashley and he was Mononoke, because he is part wolf. So, no this doesn't hold any real significance but it is a memory I will cherish.

The next item I see is my cell phone, not really exciting, I know. But it does give me a link to people. I used to be addicted to my cell phone back in high school and freshmen year of college, but now, not so much. It is a very handy tool for communication and I love it, but in no way to I let it rule my life. I actually have let it gone days with no battery, just because I had access to those I needed.

Next, I see my pillow. Pillows are wonderful things aren't they? They provide support and comfort. When I need a place to rest my head, there is no better place than a pillow. Pillows are durable, but just as soft. In a lot of ways a pillow can be a model of people. It is soft and there for you and can be just the relief and love that you need to take care of you,. but if you wont take care of it, eventually you will need a replacement.

Coming near the end of the line, the fourth item I see closest to me is my Relay for Life Tshirt. Nothing really special, but it does symbolize something special. I had a great time at Relay for life, one I intend on blogging about.

And finally the fifth item I see is Love necklace draped over my headboard, given to me by a good friend. This friend and I have an undying love for Sex and the City. The necklace is of the same appearance of as the love key chain, carrie gets in the movie. It was a symbol of love, that even if you fon't see it love is always in your life.

So there it is, rather bland, but done. :)
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Who are your 4 closest friends and what do you like about them?

Tuesday, April 12, 2011
1. Jessica H.

Now I already told you how Jess and I came to be friends, but I never really shared why we are friends. Jessica is one of those people that come off careless but when it comes down to it, she isn't. Jessica is my one friend who was there for me when I really needed one. She is the kind of person, who isn't afraid to drop everything for the people she loves and who if she saw you get hurt, would make a living hell for the person who hurt you. In so many ways I admire her. She isn't afraid to say the wrong thing, she isn't afraid to be hated. She cares about those who she loves and only them. It's good to have a friend be so willing to fight for you. Jessica helped me blossom in so many ways, she helped me escape my sheltered bubble and become someone I am happy to be. When I'm with her I feel more at peace with myself than with most others. We can share everything with each other and thats really cool.

2. Jessica C.

We met in high school and I instantly liked her. Jessica is one of those positive, lovable, goofy people who bring nothing but happiness to you :D Think Spongebob. She is a good friend and uber perceptive. Its one of my favorite things about her. She has never ever been afraid to be herself. I admire her so much. When I'm with Jessica I always feel comfortable, even in our moments of awkward penguin silence. She is by far my most supportive friend and I really just love her so much! :D I'm glad we are starting to grow closer, because she is the kind of girl I want to have in my life always. I need to have her in my life always!

3. Tyler W.

I always kinda liked this kid, even before we really knew each other. He is one of the few people whom I can actually recall the first time seeing, must be his gingerness. I "met" him in creative writing club. I say "met" because we didn't really talk, not at least until afterwards when we talked about Elie Wiesel, which was brief. But I remember where he was sitting and everything and exactly how he looked. This sounds creepy, but I guess it is just that my mind knew that some day this guy would be really important to me. I remember thinking he was at least a year older than me. We "met" again during lent on a Wed, when we would both go to the Lenten prayer service, during the our father he was next to me and we held hands. I remember worrying that mine might be clammy. (Its not that I normally have clammy hands, but it was hot outside and I hate having to hold hands with someone who is clammy and I always worry about returning the favor.) We didn't say anything to each other. I guess Tyler was one of those people who were meant to be in my life though, because even after two failed attempts the earth made at having us be friends, another one arose. My friend Stes(another ginger) was getting together a small group of friends to participate in the 30 hour famine, and to make that part of this long story short, he attended as well.He was wearing his my red hair gives me superpowers shirt and I complemented him on it, and we started talking again. 30 hour famine was one of my best experiences. I became closer to so many people and really began to open up. As for Tyler and me we obviously bonded, it was cool. I learned that he was even cooler than I thought he was(which I will never verbally admit to his face.) But even this was just the beginning of our friendship. Senior year was where we really became close. Tyler did his first play, and as any one who has participated in a theater knows your cast is your family, even the people you hate. We would hang out at practice which was awesome. Our group of friends was so tight-knit. We played 20 questions, he probably doesn't remember this, and even started hanging out outside school. By college it was safe to say we had grown pretty close, we hung out in my dorm all first semester and second semester we had our Monday/Wednesday lunch dates at Einstein's. I miss our lunches. I think our lunches are where we really became the level of friends we are now. We started feeling comfortable about talking about anything to each other. I guess what I love about Tyler is all I admire about him. Yes he can be insecure and judgmental, but he is never cruel. He is dedicated and supportive and entirely loving of his friends. He is one of the best friends a person can have. I have never had a bad time hanging out with him, even if I'm crying or upset. He is just one of the most amazing people I have come to know in my 20 years, a real life changer of a friend.

4. Shelby

He is my best friend. The friend who inspires me to live day to day. The friend whose spirit runs through my body. There is a strength he gives me, that I never even knew I had. And I know everything I may say about him will sound so cliche but they are true. He knocks the skeptic right out of me and makes me believe in the impossible. Never before have I felt so connected, so afraid to lose, so completely head over heels in love with a guy. I feel like any words used to describe him are unworthy of describing the light inside him. I really love him. I do. Its scary and terrifying, but here it is, I do. Never before has a person given me as much courage and strength and security in myself. He gives me the courage to live my life without fear. He alone restored my faith in this world, and if I could give him a fragment of the strength he has given me I would feel lucky. He is the most beautiful person I have ever known. Shelby, we are like rivers. We can flow separately, but together we have such a force, a force that will lead us into the deepest oceans. You are the moon to my sun, the brightest star in our constellation. I love you. Thank you for being my best friend.
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What are your three lucky charms?

Monday, April 11, 2011
A lucky charm, what even is one? I'm not so sure if I even believe in luck, and if I do I definitely do not think it comes from some outer element but rather inside us. But,I suppose there are things that hold a power in us though.
For example, My stuffed wolf Shelby. I sleep with him every night and the nights I hold him close are the nights I feel most content. When I was sick I clung to him dearly, and even brought him to the hospital with me. It was a way for Shelby to be with me, even if he couldn't physically. It's a build-a-bear wolf so on the inside is a heart with a wish for me and him. His birth date on his birth certificate is December 25th, 2010. The official beginning of us. The wolf is Shelby's animal. He is my alpha. And as I hold this wolf now, and kiss him, and hug him, I know Shelby can feel it.
Another lucky, albeit odd, charm would be my laptop. I know it sounds like Im addicted to the internet, which I am, but that is not the point of its importance. On the day I bought my laptop, My best friend Jess was doing the same. Jess and I had gone to both middle and high school together, but were never really friends. I was so excited to get my new laptop, it was the first time a computer was really mine! I remembering ripping it out of the box and setting it up to AIM with my best friend at the time. I signed onto facebook and was so excited to chat with people on there with MY keyboard! Then Ski messaged me telling me he had just gotten skype and how I need to get it! Me, being excited to have the ability to download whatever I wanted without my mother's consent was completely for it. So I downloaded skype. Now I don't really know how Jess and I got to exchanging names, but Justin had told her to download it too, and somehow we ended up talking. I told her about my new computer and she told me about hers and then we realized that WE BOTH HAD THE SAME ONE! What a crazy random happenstance right? Two separate people buying the same computers on the same day! Crazy. Well Jess and I ended up skyping almost every night, occasionally throwing Chez or Doyle in the mix and it was so fun. When she came to town to deal with things going on home, we hung out every day for hours and I mean every day. We became such close friends, almost inseparable all because we both had gotten new computers!
But that is not where the computer magic stops, not even close. It was through my computer that I first began to talk to my then sexual play toy. It was through the computer that I would talk to tyler each day on twitter bonding or go on dailybooth meeting awesome new friends. But most of all It was through my computer, that a sweet girl stumbled into a sweet guy, and sparks flew. Yes, I know its strange to say but without my computer, I really don't know how similar my life would be to the one I am living now.
As for my final lucky charm well, I really don't know. I guess it's really a culmination of all my memories. Behind every experience is a lesson and I make sure to take mine with me wherever I go. No luck can ever live up to a girl who has lived. Life is my luckiest charm, so I'm gonna live mine to the fullest! :D
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21 things I'm going to experience before my 21st birthday

Monday, April 11, 2011
1.Participate in a walk for for a cause.

2.Take a kick-boxing class.

3.Visit Shelby and Brock.

4.Bake a pie from scratch.

5.Take a striper-cise class.

6.Go vegetarian again.

7.Try nutella.

8.Learn to play a musical instrument.

9.Participate in Operation Beautiful.

10.Try Zumba.

11.Read 21 new books.

12.Watch 21 new movies.

13.Cook 21 new foods.

14.Send 21 letters.

15. Learn to crochet.

16. Reconnect with one friend.

17. Write. A short story, a play, anything. just write.

18. Get a job.

19. Move out on my own.

20. Attend a major community event or festival

21. Take what I have learned from my 20 years of life, take it remember it and move to the future. My life starts here.
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Where are two places you want to visit most?

Sunday, April 10, 2011
There are many places I would like to visit in my lifetime, It is a hard choice for only two.
But I suppose one would have to be Italy. I would really love to see all the beautiful architecture, experience the beautiful art, take a gondola ride in the sinking city. Italy is definitely one country I hope to experience many cities of. For the longest time I hoped to live there, and who knows maybe one day I will, even if only for a brief time.

Another would have to be Egypt. Ive always been drawn to its rich background and its majesty. I hope to one day stare and the Pyramids and walk the sands that Santiago walked in search of his personal legend.

Travel is a beautiful thing, experiencing so many different worlds. In so many ways I am envious of my aunt for all of her travel experiences! I mean she lived in paris for 8 years! I hope one day to see as much as her. <3
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My strength.

Sunday, April 10, 2011
There is this strength you give me, and I know I don't say it enough. But truly, the joy you have brought to my life, well, it is unmeasurable. Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I could look my friend in the eye and tell her I was happy, and mean it. It's like that Paulo Coelho quote, “Love is not to be found in someone else, but in ourselves; we simply awaken it. But in order to do that, we need the other person. The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our feelings with.” Only so much more was found than love. You brought me understanding and knowledge of things about me I didn't even know existed. You opened my whole world. I am happy with me because of you. You give me the strength to accept myself and my downfalls. You will never truly know how much you have lit up my life in this past 5 months. I didn't know it was possible to have a true love, but you are mine. Because to me a true love can come from many people, a friend, a family member, and significant other. What makes someone a true love is their ability to shake you to the core and make you want to be a better person, not for them though, for you. You inspire me on a daily basis and darling, never forget that.
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What is one thing you would want to say to one person before you died?

Saturday, April 09, 2011
"Not gone."

As I shared with you in my final song challenge post, I love the sentiments of the song "Those you've known". All I really want those who cared for me on earth to know, is that I will always be with them. Our lives never end on earth, even in death, because the people whose souls we've touched carry that with them, spreading it to others. We are all one in the end. One with each other, one with the earth, one with the stars. As long as their is one soul, no one is truly gone.
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A fifth excerpt from The Warrior of Light

Wednesday, April 06, 2011
The Warrior of the Light is a believer.

Because he believes in miracles, miracles begin to happen. Because he is sure that his thoughts can change his life, his life begins to change. Because he is certain that he will find love, love appears.

Now and then, he is disappointed. Sometimes, he gets hurt.

Then he hears people say: "He's so ingenuous!"

But the Warrior knows that it is worth it. For every defeat, he has two victories in his favor.

All believers know this.
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A song you could listen to all day without getting tired of

Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Those You've Known by John Gallagher Jr., Lea Michele, and Jonathan Groff



There are many songs I could listen to endlessly. I can often be found looping my favorite artists, listening to my favorite songs over and over again. But I suppose if I had to choose one, it would have to be my favorite song from my favorite musical.

I feel a need to post these lyrics, because to me the are so stunningly beautiful and truthful. Yes the music is beautiful as well, with its amazing string section and piano arrangement, but what makes this song so meaningful to me is the lyrics.

"Those you’ve known
And lost, still walk behind you
All alone
They linger till they find you

Without them
The world grows dark around you
And nothing is the same until you know that they have found you

WENDLA
Those you’ve pained
May carry that still with them
All the same
They whisper: “All forgiven.”

Still your heart says
The shadows bring the starlight
And everything you’ve ever been is still there in the dark night

WENDLA
When the northern wind blows
The sorrows your heart holds
There are those who still know –
They’re still home
We’re still home

MORITZ (Sung In Counterpart)
Though you know
You’ve left them far behind
You walk on by yourself, and not with them –

Still you know
They will fill your heart and mind
When they say there’s a way through this

MELCHIOR, MORITZ AND WENDLA
Those you’ve known
And lost, still walk behind you
All alone
Their song still seems to find you

They call you
As if you knew their longing –
They whistle through the lonely wind, the long blue shadows falling

MELCHIOR
All alone
But still I hear their yearning
Through the dark, the moon, alone there, burning

The stars too
They tell of spring returning –
And summer with another wind that no one yet has known

(MORITZ and WENDLA Join with Counterparts)

They call me –
Through all things –
Night’s falling
But somehow I go on

You watch me
Just watch me –
I’m calling
From longing

WENDLA (Sung in Counterpart)
When the northern wind blows
The sorrows your heart’s known –
I believe…

MORITZ (Sung in Counterpart)
Still you known
There’s so much more to find –
Another dream, another love you’ll hold

Still you know
To trust your own true mind
On your way – you are not alone
There are those who still know

MELCHIOR (Sung Alone)
Now they’ll walk on my arm through the distant night
And I won’t let them stray from my heart
Through the wind, through the dark, through the winter light
I will read all their dreams to the stars

I'll walk now with them
I’ll call on their names
I’ll see their thoughts are known

WENDLA
Not gone –
Not gone –

MELCHIOR
They walk with my heart –
And I'll never let them go

I’ll never let them go
I’ll never let them go
You watch me
Just watch me
I’m calling
I’m calling –
And one day all will know"
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A song that you have danced to with your best friend

Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up) by Florence + the Machine



This is a very cute story. Warning: All the "adores" lie ahead. So I had been wondering for a while what song I was going to use for this challenge. Apart from maybe prom, I have never really danced with my friends. I mean I suppose there was some point in which I did, but none that particularly stood out. I was talking to Shelby, explaining to him how no matter how much I tried to think of a song nothing was coming to my mind. So suddenly, with his cute little idea face, he told me not to worry because I was going to dance with him. And he sent me a link, before clicking it I knew that naturally it was florence. I hit play and he jumped up and instantly started dancing like, well a fool, an adorable, wonderful, spectacular fool. The sight of his cute little face and his smile and him jumping around, practically re-enacting this video brought the biggest smile to my face. And so I danced with him. <3

I cant bring myself to notice the omen of his song choice either. What better song for my blog challenge, than the one for which it is named? Shelby, you are a gift that comes with no price. <3
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A song that you cannot stand to listen to

Monday, April 04, 2011
Time by Pink Floyd



This post is actually quite humorous because in all actuality, I really like a lot of Pink Floyd's music. Wow, that was nice to get off my chest, but never bring it up again I'll deny ever typing it! You see when I was younger, my mother would listen to Pink Floyd ALL the time. I was a pretty open child and liked most of the music my mother listened to, however Pink Floyd, along with the Beatles I could not stand. You see this was my mother's "down" music. When she was upset or really depressed, those were the cds she would run to and me being a very young impressionable child, made that connection and grew to seriously dislike both bands. It actually was so bad that my mother would threaten me with listening to pink Floyd instead of chores! Crazy right!? Well as I grew older I actually started listening to some of this music, a song here or there. Finally I decided to delve into each band, since I liked a bit of what I had heard. The Beatles came first, due to my ginger friend who constantly praised them as if they were they best band of all time. And I liked them, I really liked them. They had uplifting lyrics and fantastic harmonies, so I went home and burned a bunch of their songs. My mother had always said how one day I would grow an appreciation for these bands and she saw this as opportunity to remind me. It was then that I vowed to never no matter what like Pink Floyd. Of course you and I know the truth and even somewhere inside my mother does to, but for purpose of keeping up with tradition in public, I will never like them. So here is a song from a band that I cannot stand that I can stand to listen to :)
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A song that someone has sung to you

Sunday, April 03, 2011
Your Song by Ewan McGregor and Alessandro Safina



There really is no story to say with this song. Just listen to the song and know how amazing this boy is and how lucky I feel.

When I listen to this song, I can't stop smiling.
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Your favorite song

Saturday, April 02, 2011
You Can't Always Get What You Want by The Rolling Stones



When someone asks me what is your favorite song, this one will always come to mind. I would dance and sing to this song as a kid, for hours. And as I got older the song started to mean more and more. There is something hopeful about it. Life throws us hardships, but thats no need to fret because in the end if we keep our positive outlooks, we get what we need.
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A fourth excerpt from The Warrior of Light

Friday, April 01, 2011
When the master sees that the Warrior is depressed, he says:

"You are not what you seem to be in these moments of sadness. You are better than that.

"Many have left-for reasons we will never understand -
but you are still here. Why did God carry off all those amazing people and leave you?

"By now, millions of people will have given up. They dont get angry, they dont weep, they dont do anything; they merely wait for time to pass. They have lost the ability to react.

"You, however, are sad. That proves that your soul is still alive."
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The last song alphabetically in your iTunes

Friday, April 01, 2011
Grr. I'm really hating this last two songs challenges. I feel like I have nothing to say about them and they are just kinda filler... But the show must go on.

Gimme all your Lovin' by ZZ Top



Whenever I listen to this band, I always am reminded of my childhood days at Strawberry Park. My dad will crank the stereo to classic rock in the down time, its probably where my love of classic rock came from. I really loved Strawberry Park. It was a campground we went to often, which I can honestly say Ive never had a bad memory of. <3
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