I'm sad at times, but Im happy. And I know that everything will be alright. Its just sometimes I feel like I don't fit in with this world. Like the dreams I have are just far too impossible. Like my ambitions and such are not right, too idealistic. Its not that I hate life. I just want so much more then this. This pressure...to be something. I want to be no one. Why can't I be no one and that be socially acceptable? What is me being no one doing to you? Why isnt my mind, my consciousness enough? Why do I have to be more? I just want to quit everything and travel the world. See beauty and love first hand. Sometimes I feel seeing it is enough you know. I am just so sick of feeling forced to be something.
But life isn't a novel. I can't just abandon responsibility and lead the life I want, as much as I feel entitled to do so.
But it is hard when you put yourself into extraordinary worlds were people are destined to be something great. I often compare my life with the characters in the books I read and think if it is possible for them, then shouldn't it be possible for me? How much of the stories I read is truly fictional? Has my imagination gotten the best of me? Thinking that extraordinaries exist in the life I have. That's something to think about. In books everything is great. Great Love. Great Pain. Great Struggle. Great Goal. Great. Where is my story about a mediocre nobody living their mediocre life happily. Probably in the bargain bin.
October 13, 2011 at 9:28 AM
Don't forget that in the bargain bin are old school Disney VHS, which are classics! I'd much rather be chilling with The Lion King than sitting with Twilight.. which apparently is "great".
What society deems as great or socially acceptable is completely subjective and we can each choose whether to fit the mold or go against it. If everyone fit the mold, we wouldn't have dreamers or advances & if everyone went against the mold, we wouldn't have structure or restrictions. Granted, everyone being a dreamer sounds like a better world, without the other, the world wouldn't be the way it is, so both entities are of the same worth =]
tl;dr I think you're amazing & I would hardly call your life mediocre, because you mean everything to me :D While that may not be worth much on the world's grand scale, it has immeasurable worth to me.
PS. You pick your words so artistically and brilliantly that my words end up looking like incoherent drivel :P
October 13, 2011 at 8:23 PM
Awwww yeahhhhhhh Disney.
And thanks Jess <3 I love you! You mean everything to me as well.
And you are so silly to think of your words looking like incoherent drivel. I think you write beautifully and you always put so much thought into what you are writing. I love seeing comments from you because a comment from you is something that is going to be meaningful <3
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